Waiting on God

I've never been a good waiter. I very much fit into the category of instant gratification connoisseur. If supper is in an hour and but I'm hungry now, I'll eat something and ruin my supper. If a package is coming in the mail I will literally check the tracking information multiple times in hopes that it will magically show up on my doorstep. When Paul and I go out to eat I get so annoyed while we're waiting for our food (just ask him, he knows). For as long as I can remember, it's been a struggle for me. I'm not a patient person, and waiting requires patience.

But as hard as it is waiting for something like a package in the mail, its so much harder waiting on God. Having patience in His timing.

At least with a package, I'm the one ordering it. I know exactly what I'm getting. I'm the one choosing how much I'm going to pay for shipping and how long it's going to take. I have the power to check the tracking information and see when I can expect it. While things like weather, low stock, or other complications can arise, I am virtually in control of that package. (Don't argue with me on the logistics of this, I don't care)

But waiting on God, phew. That's another matter altogether. I can tell Him what I think I want. I can beg Him for what I think I need. And I can stare out the window as long as I'd like. But nothing He does is on my timetable. Sure, sometimes my timetable matches up with His and I feel like I'm in control of what's going on in my life, but I'm not. None of us are. We're all at the mercy of a very loving, forgiving, and, though I'd like to think otherwise, perfectly-timed Father.

The more serious our request, the harder it is to wait for an answer. The more daunting the outcome, the more questions we ask.

Why can't Paul and I start a family? Why did our precious babies have to be taken from us way too soon? Why does it feel more often than not like our world is falling apart around us?

Why?

Have you asked similar questions? Have you laid awake at night, staring at the ceiling while willing your prayers to be answered? Have you shouted and begged and cried and asked God to please just let it happen on your timetable, according to your plans?

I have.

Friends, life is hard. Waiting is hard. God's plan is sometimes hard. But can I encourage you a little today, as we wait?

I am brokenhearted and weary, the last year and half have been the most trying, difficult, darkest days of my life. Each time we felt we were gaining our footing, we had a rock slip from beneath us and bring us right back to the bottom. Each ray of hope is somehow shadowed with a darkness we can't seem to shake and a question that no seems to have an answer to. The devil and his demons are very much alive and well in our world, and I know I'm not the only one who can sense their presence, feel the darkness creeping up and trying to creep in. Bringing about hard situations and impossibly difficult encounters.

But as big as he seems, we know Someone who's bigger. As hard as he tries to hurt us, we have Someone trying harder to help us, to love us, to hold onto us.

As a rule, we know God works all things together for those who love Him. We know that following Christ isn't easy. And we know that this world is riddled in sin. So then why do we get so downcast when our lives reflect what Christ said they would? Why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that we live in a sinful world and being a light for Christ is going to bring about some darkness?

While I know it's the sin in the world that took our babies, I also know it's our Heavenly Father who holds them now. I understand it's because of our fallen nature we're in our situation, waiting for answers, but I can also see, even on our darkest days, the way God is working this for His good. The way He's brought me closer to my husband and opened my eyes to see what a loving, soft-hearted, and selfless man he is. How my sister is truly a saint and has put my and Paul's hearts above her own so many times. How my family is loving and kind and willing to walk this incredibly difficult road with us every single day. How we've been able to meet some amazing human beings because of the situations we're put in while we wait, and how they've touched our hearts and our lives for the better.

Waiting on God is hard. Whether you're waiting for a clean bill of health, for the arrival of a spouse you don't yet know, for a child you're longing for, for the mending of a broken relationship. It's hard. Life is hard. Questions are hard. But God is good. And His goodness overshadows the hard every single time. His love invades the darkness every single time. His mercies are new every morning and His arms are strong enough to hold you even on your heaviest days.

If you're waiting on God right now, please know I'm with you. I'm praying for you. I'm here holding your hand and walking this road with you.

It's ok to have questions. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to want to cry and scream and fight for what you want. God can take it. The Creator of the universe can handle your questions and carry your pain and help you through the waiting. And on the other side of it, He'll smile down at you as you recognize why you had to wait, as His plan unfolds before you and you realize that His timing is, in fact, better than your own. He'll kiss you on the forehead and say, "See? I told you I had your heart in my heart. I told you I would take care of you."

Keep waiting my friend. Keep fighting the good fight. Keep walking through the valley, holding His hand, and knowing that everything will be ok. If not on this side, then in eternity.