You Can Do Hard Things — Lauren Kleyer

Last time I gave blood I fainted. I ended up on my high school hallway floor with a trash can elevating my legs. Obviously I haven't given blood since. Medical stuff that has to do with my own body makes me queasy. I had to have a mole removed from my ear, and though I couldn't see what they were doing or feel it (they numbed me) I got up too quickly afterwards and nearly fainted just thinking about it.

I could give you more examples of the frequency of my body to ground proximity, but I think you get it. I'm a wimp.

At least that's the narrative I had in my head.

While I'm terrible at medical stuff, I've always thought of myself as a fairly strong person in other areas. I can stand on my own two feet pretty well, even to a fault sometimes. There have been too many circumstances where I've blocked Paul or my family out because I thought I could and should handle something on my own.

After a while of being married I realized that the narrative I was telling myself wasn't going to work if I wanted to have a healthy relationship with those around me. I couldn't pretend to do it all on my own anymore. Something needed to change. I asked God for help, as I do every day.

In response, He has us on a journey that has shaped and molded me into a person I didn't know I could be. I'm so much stronger now, but in different ways. My heart is open. I find it much harder to be angry. I pray constantly. And I just started another round of self-administered HCG shots.

That's not something I ever thought I'd be able to say. That's not something I have ever in my life wanted to say. For the treatment plan we're on I have to give myself shots a couple of times a month to help with my hormone levels. The first time I had to do it I made Paul stand next to me because I knew I'd be braver with an audience. I could barely hold the needle I was shaking so bad, and I cried afterwards. But I did it. And I've been doing it. And I'm not shaking anymore and I don't need an audience to be brave - I can be brave on my own.

I think so often we get caught up in the narratives we write for ourselves in our own minds. That we're too this or that, or we'll never be good at this thing or able to step outside our comfort zones because "that's how it's always been." But that's putting God in such a small, insignificant box. If the One who created the universe can accomplish giving me the strength to face a needle, He can do amazing things in your life.

You can do hard things. Don't count yourself out because of a past experience or the words of someone else. Give God that chance to work on you and you'll be amazed. I'm so thankful for grace and His willingness to continue to work in me even though I'll forever be a lost cause in this world. Because of His plan and this journey we can't yet see the end of, I see the pain this world can cause on a much more intimate level, but I also feel the joy that comes hand-in-hand with it that much more. It makes the victories that much sweeter. And it's making my faith that much stronger.